August, 2012 was the last time I wrote in my blog. It’s not like I was burned out since I’d only been blogging for eight months. But I stopped. More like quit. I’ve really been contemplating the why’s and I do have an answer but it involved taking a good look in the mirror.
Let me back up. I was really excited to start a blog at the beginning of last year. I felt I had a pretty defined direction with home decorating. It’s something I love to do and actually felt fairly confident about. But a few roadblocks got in the way and I’d like to explain. I promise I won’t go down a pity-party path because frankly, that is incredibly annoying and I won’t succumb to it nor subject you to it. But I do want to be honest with you.
The idiom, “Bury your head in the sand,” means to refuse to confront or acknowledge a problem. I didn’t take this photo but I did pay for the use of it (one of the roadblocks).
I understand the value of not stealing yet I began to feel like a bit like a thief for using design pictures I’d found on the internet to illustrate my posts. While many times I would try to link back to the original post or site, it wasn’t always possible, probably because I was taking them from someone who had taken them from someone who had actually taken them. I would never want to violate someone’s copyrighted materials and because my photography skills were fairly limited, I made a subconscious decision that I could no longer blog without becoming a top-notch photographer first.
Ok, that was one of the first roadblocks. The second was a bit more personal. Last summer we had a wonderful photographer come out to our ranch and do a home photo tour. The tour was published to a well-known and respected decorating site where everyone could see the photos. I waited excitedly to see what the feedback would be especially knowing the amount of hard work that went into our ranch remodel. I have to admit, I was not expecting the larger percent of the comments to be so negative and at the risk of sounding whiney, I was crushed. I know the risk of being vulnerable but I put something before the public that I was proud of and felt very knocked down which allowed a seed of doubt to take root concerning my gifting and abilities.
There was another roadblock. I’ve googled and searched blogs on design and decorating, homemaking, marriage, fashion, fitness, writing and art. Mainly anything I have an interest in. I’ve spent hours on Pinterest. I am not a good penny-pincher, I can’t make curtains out of paper bags and my gardening skills are sucky at best. Nor do I clip coupons, feed only nutritious and wholesome meals, crochet blankets. I do occasionally argue (fight) with my husband and I am way too wordy and not eloquent when I write and tend to say things backwards. So was my blogging really good or interesting enough to share? Would anyone want to take the time to read it or was I just wasting time?
The final roadblock came when I realized my head was firmly stuck in that proverbial sand and if I pulled it out I’d have to face the real issues and not the excuses: Insecurities, expectations, failure.
So I’m redefining my blog. I will continue to write about design and decorating because I know I can decorate and I’ve gotten over people’s negative comments. If they don’t like how I decorate, really it’s their problem, not mine. I can even learn to take pretty pictures and have done so on occasion, therefore I will try to use my own photos for illustrations and give credit where credit is due on those that are not mine. And if I’m never a Pinterest Queen, it’s ok because I probably will never be a good and wise shopper. I’m working on getting into better exercise and eating routines so I may journey into those areas occasionally. And I am a shoe / clothes hound, so why not throw that in the mix too. But all of those things are very surface and don’t define me as a person, an individual. I was created a three-part being: spirit, soul and body. So maybe in my newly re-defined blog I’ll spend a little more time exploring who I am created to BE versus what I can or cannot DO and I am going to just enjoy the journey. My new tag line is, “A blog about life, family, home.”